The Lies we tell Ourselves

Many years ago while teaching teenagers at leadership camps I’d tell them that if I drew a picture of them, and they drew a picture of themselves, my picture would be better. Why? Because my drawing would focus on all the wonderful things I saw when I looked at them - their good energy, their talents, their abilities. I would draw them as the wonderful leaders full of potential that they were, whereas their pictures would reflect how they saw themselves - ordinary and ‘not enough’ in so many areas. 

It’s amazing how this dichotomy carries into adulthood and professional life.

Lately I’ve met a lot of people who would draw poor pictures of themselves. They tell me that they feel like they can’t keep up, like they are afraid they are going to drop the ball or under-deliver, like they are not enough. 

What’s amazing about these folks is they are the same people who you’d look at and admire for “having it all together”.  They are strong, talented, skilled, trusted leaders, but they don't see themselves that way.

In my experience (and as a recovering perfectionist, which many of these folks are), the criteria they are measuring themselves against is UNREALISTIC. They tend to assign every responsibility they have with the same level of importance, and expect EVERYTHING they do to be at 100%. This is impossible! So they set themselves up for disappointment before they even do anything. 

Even more importantly, they are lying to themselves. When you only see one side of your  performance - the negative side - you are intentionally misrepresenting the truth. What about the good outcomes that ARE being created? What about how you’ve navigated the circumstances outside of your control that impacted plans and outcomes? What about the areas where you excelled beyond expectations?

We all want passionate, dedicated leaders who care deeply about doing a great job, but this quality can become a no-win situation when those same leaders only see where they don’t measure up. And frankly, we rely on leaders to assess situations and act. That action is impaired if you, as a leader, are withholding truth from your assessments. 

So stop lying to yourself. Use this message as an opportunity to do a fair and honest appraisal of your efforts. Ask yourself:

1. What are the priorities? (Don’t select more than 5)

2. What are realistic expectations related to those priorities?

3. Where am I producing value, outcomes, etc. related to these priorities? What wins have I created?

4. What could I adjust in my approach, workload, etc. so I can protect my energy and resources for these priorities?

5. How will I evaluate my performance moving forward?

And for gold stars - ask someone you trust to share with you what they think your 5 best leadership qualities are and why.  Then believe them!

Let me know what happens!

---